Author Archives: Chic Anna

Finally…

  • Even Shibuya’s Hachiko can now be seen wearing a mask

Finally, the long-awaited State of Emergency has been declared in Tokyo and several other prefectures last Tuesday, April 7, 2020.

Don’t get me wrong. I was waiting for this not because I don’t want to work because honestly, I do! I love seeing the cute faces of my little students and I always look forward to their antics and learning moments each day. So why was I waiting for that declaration? With the rising coronavirus cases here in Tokyo, being outside (especially in a very packed train) has become very scary for me. For the past two weeks, the Governor of Tokyo has already asked Tokyoites to stay in their homes during the weekend. Fine. Most people followed the request. The usual busy streets of Shibuya, Shinjuku and Ikebukuro among others were unusually quiet. But then comes Monday. Crowded stations. Jam packed trains. What is the use of being at home the entire weekend when you will be in a crowded train the next Monday, right?

  • Yes, before the declaration of the State of Emergency, trains in Tokyo were still this crowded in spite of the coronavirus pandemic.

I know I’m being paranoid, but we all know that this virus can be passed on easily if people are standing close to each other which is exactly the scenario in a train every single workday morning.

Just imagine how scared I would be the moment I’d step inside. I would be looking around, suspicious of everyone around me because they might be virus carriers already. It’s like watching the horror movie, The Nun, in a scene where the girl was walking along the dark hallway with a candle in hand and she didn’t know that the demon nun was already behind her. She felt it but she didn’t know where it was because she couldn’t see it. It’s the same when I’m inside a packed train these days. I know that the virus is there somewhere but I just don’t know where it is. And that scares the hell out of me.

What kept me sane throughout my train ride from Kita-Senju to Ikebukuro though is the fact that when I’d look around, everyone (well except for a handful of stubborn people) would be wearing masks. Then once inside the train, people would be very quiet that you would hear even the slightest sound coming from a plastic bag.

“This scenario reduces the chances of saliva or any kinds of fluid from flying or dropping on any surface.”, said me to myself.

Yes, talking to myself and telling this to myself can calm my nerves. Plus, I have already mastered the art of standing (or sometimes sleeping!) in a moving train without touching anything and with my hands inside the pockets of my jacket. Well, I still sometimes wonder until now how I do it.

The declaration of the State of Emergency is indeed a welcome respite for me and for some others who are also paranoid like me— a respite from all the anxiety, fear and paranoia of the unknown and of the invisible nemesis. I just hope that this COVID-19 pandemic will end soon.

    My Own View of Depression

    It’s funny how some people perceive sadness as depression. We see it on social media: people ranting about how depressed they are when in truth, they are merely sad. Depressed people usually don’t go around telling everybody they are depressed. Most of the time, these people are so good at hiding it that no one will ever suspect that they are suffering.

    I view depression as a very serious matter.

    It is when you see everything as gloomy and bleak. It’s like watching a black and white movie of yourself because you can’t seem to see the world for how it is supposed to be: colorful.

    It is crying over small things and bawling over not-so-big ones. Or simply crying for no reason at all.

    It is being so happy one moment and very lonely the next. Depression is very unpredictable that when it comes, you will always be caught barefooted.

    It’s when you feel down all the time. Not the sad kind of down feeling. It’s the feeling of being useless, unimportant and insignificant.

    It’s when you feel that you don’t want to do anything anymore. Being productive is next to impossible.

    It’s when there seems to be no way out and the pain is just so unbearable. You feel hopeless, so the thought of just ending your life seems like a sweet escape.

    It’s when emotional pain seems to be a part of your everyday life already to the point that physical pain no longer exist. Or if it still does, you inflict this physical pain upon yourself. It has become something that brings comfort because it calms the monster that’s inside of you.

    It is when you know you need help but can’t find the words to tell people what kind of help you need for fear of being labelled insane.

    It’s when you know you are dying inside and there seems to be nothing you can do about it.

    If you experience any of these, know that there are people out there who are willing to help. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! This may sound cliche but hey, it’s the truth.

    There is always someone who is willing to be there for you…a friend, a family member, a relative, a loved one, or even a help line that you can call. Do always remember: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

    As for those lucky ones who don’t experience being depressed, be a kind human being and help out. Sometimes, depressed people just need someone to listen. Be that friend. Be that life-saver.

    Writer’s Block

    I usually do my writing every Sunday evening. Usually, my mind is brimming with thoughts during this time. But the previous Sundays of the previous months were different.

    On the first Sunday that it happened…yes, my mind was still brimming with thoughts… and yes, I already had an idea on what to write on my blog. But, something was off.

    So, I opened my computer, went to my blog site and…

    I couldn’t write anything!

    I knew what to write but I couldn’t put my words into sentences, and my sentences into paragraphs. So for a long time, I was just looking at my laptop screen.

    Blank…blank…blank…just staring at the screen for a long time. Until finally, I just gave up and I ended up just closing my laptop.

    Today isn’t like any other day. The moment I went to my blog site, I knew what to write and I had the words to put them in writing so…I just started typing away.

    Way back university days when I was still writing for our school newspaper and for some community newspapers in our city, it was easy for me to compose my thoughts. I could write about my whole day in just one sitting. I could write a poem in less than an hour. I could write a news story for a very short time as long as I had all the facts at hand. But after my graduation, and as I faced the “real world”, writing had become a tedious task. Most probably, it was because the work I ventured into didn’t involve any writing at all. Then life had become very busy that finding the time to write had become difficult as well. So gradually, I lost interest.

    But, when life became harder, or when I needed to let go of whatever pent up emotions I had during those harrowing days, I wrote down all the feelings that I was feeling at those moments. Sometimes, there were poems that I had to write just because I felt that long sentences were way too much to express how I felt.

    Writing had become my outlet. The sad part was, during those “dark” times in my life, after writing everything down and after reading what I had written, I would throw the paper away. Why? It’s because during those times, I wasn’t honest with myself. It was the time when I was trying so hard to be a good person by trying to please the wrong people not knowing that I lost myself in the process. So when I wrote my feelings down and after reading what I had written, I felt bad that it was what I felt. It was wrong! It was very wrong that I had to feel the need to change the real me just so I would fit in. I hated the fact that I had to feel the need to belong.

    Now, I am different. I learned that I don’t need to please anybody just to show that I am a good person, and so I had become more honest with myself. In turn, I have become more honest with how I feel. So when I write something about my feelings, my emotions, or my sentiments, I like what I am reading.

    Presently, my flair for writing is slowly coming back as shown in this blog. I am happy that I now have this blog — and it makes me happier that through my blog, I can share a part of my life with you.