I usually do my writing every Sunday evening. Usually, my mind is brimming with thoughts during this time. But the previous Sundays of the previous months were different.
On the first Sunday that it happened…yes, my mind was still brimming with thoughts… and yes, I already had an idea on what to write on my blog. But, something was off.
So, I opened my computer, went to my blog site and…
I couldn’t write anything!
I knew what to write but I couldn’t put my words into sentences, and my sentences into paragraphs. So for a long time, I was just looking at my laptop screen.
Blank…blank…blank…just staring at the screen for a long time. Until finally, I just gave up and I ended up just closing my laptop.
Today isn’t like any other day. The moment I went to my blog site, I knew what to write and I had the words to put them in writing so…I just started typing away.
Way back university days when I was still writing for our school newspaper and for some community newspapers in our city, it was easy for me to compose my thoughts. I could write about my whole day in just one sitting. I could write a poem in less than an hour. I could write a news story for a very short time as long as I had all the facts at hand. But after my graduation, and as I faced the “real world”, writing had become a tedious task. Most probably, it was because the work I ventured into didn’t involve any writing at all. Then life had become very busy that finding the time to write had become difficult as well. So gradually, I lost interest.
But, when life became harder, or when I needed to let go of whatever pent up emotions I had during those harrowing days, I wrote down all the feelings that I was feeling at those moments. Sometimes, there were poems that I had to write just because I felt that long sentences were way too much to express how I felt.
Writing had become my outlet. The sad part was, during those “dark” times in my life, after writing everything down and after reading what I had written, I would throw the paper away. Why? It’s because during those times, I wasn’t honest with myself. It was the time when I was trying so hard to be a good person by trying to please the wrong people not knowing that I lost myself in the process. So when I wrote my feelings down and after reading what I had written, I felt bad that it was what I felt. It was wrong! It was very wrong that I had to feel the need to change the real me just so I would fit in. I hated the fact that I had to feel the need to belong.
Now, I am different. I learned that I don’t need to please anybody just to show that I am a good person, and so I had become more honest with myself. In turn, I have become more honest with how I feel. So when I write something about my feelings, my emotions, or my sentiments, I like what I am reading.
Presently, my flair for writing is slowly coming back as shown in this blog. I am happy that I now have this blog — and it makes me happier that through my blog, I can share a part of my life with you.